I have never wanted to be the bitter angry woman. Anger has never felt good to me. Being fearful and suspicious has never felt good to me either.
My taste for peace and love was cultivated by worshipping in church. Nothing feels as good to me as true worship and I HATE when I am seperated from that feeling.
So after alot of painful relationships I had two options kill myself or find a solution. Sounds drastic but its true.
For a while I pointed fingers but in my heart I knew I didnt go into these relationships blindly. I wasnt really surprised that they ended just that they ended so dramatically.
What I had to accept was I ignored these men’s clear flaws and settled because I liked having my ego stroked and I had low self esteem. I never considered myself the pretty girl that everyone liked. I was the rugged Tom Boy with daddy issues.
I just accepted that not too many guys were really into me.
So when these gentlemen showered affection on me (one bought me a BMW, the other texted and called me everyday) I ignored ALL the warning signs that they were clearly lying manipulators.
I didnt care about their character I just wanted their attention and compromised my values to keep it.
At the end of it all though I was merely an object that once conquerored I was tossed away.
And while being discarded was painful, I only found peace when I accepted I choose them and that I can now make different choices.
I dont have to bite at the bait put in front of me, but slowly take the time to really investigate the actions of a person and how they best fit into my life in a manner that is MUTUALLY benenficial.
Taking your time in a relationship is so important these days because our culture at the very least is cordial and friendly. Plus anyone with common sense knows how to be polite enough to get what they want.
However, even in this predatory society I do believe in the scripture that calls for us to put someone above yourself. So first I realize I must act in away that brings a person closer to THEIR divine purpose. I see what I can bring to their lives more than what I can take.
But in helping them I cant hurt my relationship with the Lord or distract myself from my purpose.
When a balance cannot be achieved in a mutually beneficial relationship I have learned to walk away or minimize contact. Because only anger and fustration will arise when explotation is perceived.